Breaking Little Hearts Like the One in Me
by ausllydawmoon
Summary: Well, she's a real tough cookie with a long history. A history that has open ends, but somehow ends up coming full circle in a way she never expected but finds kind of perfect.


_"Austin, I don't want to be with you." _

_ The second she says the words, she can _feel _his heart shattering, even swear she heard it. He looks completely different than he did three seconds ago. The smile on his face melts into a look of shock and hurt and fear. His eyes grow wide and pleading. His eyebrows scrunch together in that certain way she's always adored. _

_ No. She's dumping him. She can't adore him. _

_ "A-Ally…" he whispers when he finally recovers enough to speak._

_ "I'm breaking up with you." She says it coldly, almost emotionlessly._

_ She's breaking on the inside. _

_ He swallows and takes a deep breath. _

_ "O-okay, I know I mess up a lot, but whatever I did, I'm sorry. We-we can work it out," he says slowly, trying to keep his voice steady. His hands are out in front of him and he's stepping towards her hesitantly, trying to touch her. _

_ He knows his touch makes her weak. _

_ She's broken up with him a total of twelve times in their relationship of two years. The longest any of those breakups has lasted is about five minutes. Because one touch from him and whatever uncertainty or fear or suspicion or problem disappears and her anger diminishes, just like that. _

_ But not this time._

_ She flinches away from him. _

_ "Austin, I'm serious. I'm done. For real this time." _

_ "What did I do?" he asks gently. He knows how to handle this. He's too experienced. _

_ But that doesn't mean it doesn't sting. That much his face assures her of. _

_ "You didn't do anything. The spark just isn't there." _

_ "Ally, I know that isn't true. I did something. Tell me what it is so we can fix it." _

_ He takes her hand, playing with her fingers. She lets him. _

_ "There's no 'fixing it.' I don't like you anymore." _

_ "Come on, Ally. Just last night the last words you said before going to sleep were telling me you loved me. What's wrong?" _

_ "I just don't want to be with you! Can't that be enough?!" she shouts, finally losing her cool. She yanks her hand out of his and she wants out, out, out. _

_ "Okay, hold on. Let's not make any rash deci-" _

_ "I'm not making a rash decision, Austin! I don't have feelings for you anymore, and that's that!" _

_ She grabs her purse, and he grabs her wrist._

_ "Ally," he says, getting slightly more desperate because a breakup hasn't lasted this long in over a year, "you've used that before." _

_ "Well, this time I mean it. Let me go." _

_ "I can't let you-" _

_ "Let me _go_!" she screams, shocking him into releasing his grip on her wrist. She runs out of his apartment, not daring to look back._

* * *

Three years.

It's been three years and she hasn't gone a day without thinking about it.

Honestly, it's a bit ridiculous. She hasn't seen him since then, doesn't even live in the same state anymore. While she's pretty sure he still lives in Miami, she is happily residing in New York now, with her best friend Trish as a roommate and not a care in the world.

Well, except work.

And bills.

And taxes.

And her other duties as a responsible adult. (Occasionally as _two _responsible adults, when Trish decides to be an immature, whiny brat. But that usually only occurs for about a week every month. Figures.)

And that fateful day three years ago when she let her stupid fears get in the way of something in her life turning out right.

Okay, so maybe she has more than a few cares. But that happy part is still true.

As far as Trish is concerned, anyway.

As far as _she's _concerned, however, she hasn't been happy in about…well, three years.

She just can't believe how _stupid _she was. Sure, her life hasn't been easy, what with her parents tossing her in the foster system at twelve because they didn't feel like dealing with a teenage daughter, never getting adopted, and being kicked out of her last foster home the second she turned eighteen. But that doesn't mean everyone is going to leave her. She should know that by now.

Trish has been with her since she was fifteen. Fortunately she had never left the Miami area in those last three years in the system, so she could keep her best friend close. When Ally was out of the foster system, she had stayed with Trish until they decided to move to New York when they were twenty-one.

They've been here ever since.

Ally's had a total of seven real boyfriends in her life. One before Austin (he lasted around six months) and five after (clearly not lasting too long either).

Those who know of her call her a heartbreaker. And maybe she is. But those who _know _her know that she's a coward. She's afraid of people leaving her, and because of that, she leaves them first. She doesn't let herself fall too hard. She learned that lesson the hard way.

Austin lasted too long. By the time she had come to her senses, she was completely in love with the idiot. And he was completely in love with her. And she knew it. But for some reason the fear ate away at her and she couldn't bear it to be with him any longer. So she let him go, making possibly the biggest mistake in her entire life.

Three years. One thousand and ninety-five days, and not one has gone by without him crossing her mind.

It's pathetic, really.

She rolls her eyes at herself and shakes her head, pulling her coat tighter around her as she trudges through the snow.

She loves New York, she really does, but the snow is getting a little old.

Especially because she's a total clutz, and can't help but slip on every patch of ice in existence.

Which is how she finds herself letting out a high-pitched yelp and slipping right into some poor guy trying to make sense of a map. They both topple over, and she stumbles through a pathetic apology as she tries to stand up.

"I'm so sorry! I'm super clumsy and-"

"_Ally_?!"

She hadn't been paying attention to the man, more at the ground next to him, but she definitely does now. She'd know that voice anywhere.

She's shocked into silence, forgetting about the fact that she has yet to get off of him.

"What-how-I thought-but-" he splutters, sitting up on his elbows.

"I-I'm sorry, do I know you?" she asks, standing up. Playing dumb is her best bet, she decides. The best way to get out of this situation as quickly and painlessly as possible.

"It's me, Austin," he says, knitting his eyebrows together and standing up as well, dusting the snow off of him. He's grown over the past three years. She hasn't. Her head barely clears his shoulder, even in the four-inch heels she stupidly decided to put on this morning.

"Austin…?"

"Moon?" he says, sounding confused. "We dated for two years."

"I think you've got the wrong person," she tells him, beginning to walk away. He grabs her wrist.

"I'd know you anywhere."

She doesn't move, doesn't speak. He continues.

"You aren't fooling anyone. Don't you think it's time to stop running away from every problem or obstacle that faces you? You must be exhausted by now if you're still running from _me_."

"I-I don't-"

"Ally."

She swallows and turns slowly to face him. His eyes burn holes in the top of her head as she stares at the ground.

"This isn't how I expected us to reunite."

"Judging from the way you completely fell off the grid in my life, I don't think you expected us to reunite at all. But fate works in funny ways, doesn't it?"

"Fate doesn't exist."

"You still believe that crap? You _really _think that this is just a _coincidence_? That you just _happened _to slip on that patch of ice and I just _happened _to be standing there?"

"No, I think that I slip on _every _patch of ice, and _you _don't pay attention to your surroundings."

He chuckles dryly.

"Should've known you'd still be as clumsy as ever."

"Austin, what're you _doing _here?"

"I live here. What're _you _doing here?"

"_I _live here. You can't live here."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She rolls her eyes, not in the mood for this conversation. She tries walking away, only to be reminded by an (admittedly gentle) tug on her wrist that the blonde boy still has a grip on her.

"You didn't really come here to get away from me, did you?"

"Maybe I did," she says.

"I meant _that _much to you?"

She looks down again.

"Ally, you broke my heart. I haven't stopped thinking about it for _three years_. If you cared so much, why did you do it?"

"I didn't-"  
"If you feed me that crap about not having feelings for me anymore, that's it. I'll be done with you, too."

She swallows.

"I was scared."

He sighs deeply.

"Of _what_, Ally?" He sounds exasperated, tired, like a parent who's been woken up one too many times to check for monsters under the bed.

"Of you leaving me."

"You're kidding."

She looks up at him, confused.

"You can't _honestly _tell me you thought I'd _leave _you after I told you every day for _two years _that you were _it _for me. I told you _every day _for _two years _that I was in love with you. I told you every _freaking _day for two years that you were all I wanted in life and you had the…the _nerve _to be afraid I'd _leave _you?!"

"Austin, it's not like I _wanted _to be afraid!"

"You're unbelievable, Ally. Truly unbelievable." He lets go of her and turns to start walking away.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"But-"

"I haven't seen you in three years. I can only take so much of you at a time." He takes a deep breath and holds out his hand. Still able to know what he wants as if he said the words aloud, she silently places her phone in his palm. She deleted his number three years ago. He knows that.

But he doesn't know she knows it by heart.

He punches his number in her phone and hands it back to her.

"You're the impossible one-"

"Not right now I'm not."

"Well, right now I'm still the heartbroken one. I'm allowed to be impossible. Point is, if you wanna talk, text me. If you don't, then don't." He shrugs. "But do _not _talk to me if you aren't planning on trying to fix things. It's taken me three years to get to a point that I can say with a fair amount of certainty that I'm over you, but you know I fall easy. And I am _not _letting you lead me on again if all you want is to stutter out some stupid apology and then never speak to me again. I'm done being heartbroken."

With that, he gives her a curt nod and walks away.

She watches him until he disappears from sight. She's still shocked at what just happened. What kind of cruel being would find it amusing to force her biggest regret back into her life? Things were going well! Well, in a relative sense. But thinking about how rough her history has been, she can't really complain about the past year and a half she's had in New York.

Until the blonde idiot showed up and screwed up everything.

She knows that in the long run this is her fault. If she wasn't so scared all those years ago, she wouldn't have broken up with them and they'd probably still be together, still be happy. But she _was _scared, and she _did _break up with him, and she has no one to blame but herself.

Maybe this is fate giving her an opportunity to turn things back around, giving her a second chance. She hasn't gotten many second chances, but Austin made it sound like he was willing to give her one if she wanted it.

Does she want it? She honestly isn't sure. On the one hand, she's never been happier than she was with Austin, and this could be her chance to find that happiness again.

On the other hand, she still isn't trusting of people. She's still afraid of people leaving her. She hasn't really changed much over these three years, and who's to say she won't go and make the same mistake again? Austin may not be in her life anymore (well, until five minutes ago), but she doesn't want to break his heart again. She may be a 'heartbreaker', but that doesn't mean she likes it.

She walks home, forgetting why she left in the first place. She eats a nutritious dinner of Lucky Charms and goes to bed at seven, today's events having drained her of energy.

* * *

She wakes up longing for him.

Her dreams didn't make sense, and to be honest she doesn't really remember them, but she _does _know that he was in them. Flashes of his smile, glances at his eyes, the faint sound of his laughter.

She needs him. Without allowing herself any time to dwell on what she might be getting herself into, she takes out her phone.

_ I want to talk. _

She closes her eyes and hits send.

Despite the sun being high and the birds singing obnoxiously outside her window and the drone of traffic she's become accustomed to, she doesn't get out of bed.

Well, until her phone buzzes.

Then she practically _falls _out of bed trying to get to it.

_Okay. Give me a place and time. _

And that is how she finds herself fidgeting anxiously in her favorite café, waiting for her tall, blonde nightmare to come strolling in. She's early, she knows, but the anticipation is killing her. He should at least have the courtesy to be early as well.

He walks in at the precise time they agreed on and makes his way over to her. He sits in the chair opposite her and looks at her expectantly.

"H-hi," she says quietly.

"Hey," he responds, his face stoic. She knows why, of course. He's being cautious, putting up a wall and not allowing himself to show any emotion until he's sure she really wants to fix things.

"U-um, well, first off, I'm not very good at apologies or explanations. This kind of thing has never happened before and-"

"I know, Ally," he says, his voice gentler. "Take your time."

She nods.

"Well, um, you know about my parents and everything…" she starts quietly. He nods. "A-and I know you loved me. Don't think I didn't, because I did. I just… I don't know. I still had that fear that you'd leave me. I thought my parents loved me, and they gave me up. I wanted to leave you before you could leave me. It was stupid."

He doesn't say anything for a minute, and then speaks. He's quieter than she's ever heard him.

"Did you ever love me?"

"Of course I did, Austin. I was just scared."

"Scared enough to break my heart?"

She bites her lip and looks down.

"Austin-"

"Ally, I thought you were happy with me."

"I was!"

"Then why'd you break up with me?!"

"I was scared!"

"But you were happy!"

"I know!"

They stare at each other in silence, breathing heavily. Austin swallows and gets up.

"What're you doing?" Ally asks.

"Getting a coffee. Maybe the caffeine will help with the headache you're giving me."

"The headache _I'm _giving you?" she says, standing up. "What about the one _you're _giving _me_?!"

"Hey, I'm not the one with no real, solid reason behind breaking the heart of the person they were supposedly in love with without warning."

"Austin, that isn't fair."

"Isn't it?" he counters. "We could've fixed it, Ally. We could've sat down and talked it out. I could see that you wanted to. We could've stayed together, don't you get it? If you hadn't have walked out of there that day, we could still be together, Ally. We could still be happy. _You _could still be happy. But you _did _walk out. And the worst part is that I have no one to blame but myself. I let you go. If I had just tried a _little _harder, you wouldn't have left. I could see it in your eyes. You almost stayed, Ally." He pauses for a second, looking down. "You almost stayed."

"I wasn't gonna stay, Austin," she says, her voice softer than she intended. "I-I needed out."

"Why, though?" he wonders, looking up at her. "You said you were happy. You said you loved me. I-I thought I was doing a good job of making sure you knew I loved you. Was I not?"

"You _were_," she says, "and I think that was the problem. I wasn't used to feeling so loved. I know we dated for two years and that's a long time to get used to it but as our relationship went on everything just got stronger and even _harder _to get used to."

Austin watches her.

"You were falling more and more in love with me and I was falling more and more in love with you and it was just this snowball effect of emotion that I guess I wasn't ready for. It was…suffocating. I-I don't know, I'm probably making even less sense than before. I guess that was what was scaring me so much, y'know? That downhill slope that I couldn't stop. I think I was afraid that I was falling faster than you were, and that maybe because of it you'd leave me. But because I was falling so fast and hard the fear of heartbreak clouded my judgement to the point that I couldn't even reason that you _wouldn't _leave me." She's rambling now and she knows it. She doesn't want to stop, though, and she can tell by the slight twinkle in his eyes that he doesn't want her to, either.

"A-and I shouldn't have been so scared because I knew how much you loved me. I don't…" She trails off and sighs. Suddenly everything she was about to say has escaped her.

He starts getting up again, and she frowns.

"Where are you going now?"

He flashes her a hint of a smile.

"To get that coffee. We're gonna be here longer than I thought."

She isn't sure what it is. Maybe it's the way his face looks softer now that she's starting to open up. Maybe it's the way he can't quite seem to wipe that little smile off his face completely. Maybe it's the way he's watching her with a look of such longing that she wonders if he realizes she notices it. Maybe it's the way his eyes are twinkling the way they used to when he looks at her. Or maybe it's the mug of mocha in front of her with a tall swirl of whipped cream and a caramel and chocolate drizzle, just the way she likes it, with a spoon sitting on a napkin next to her because he knows that she likes to eat the whipped cream by itself before actually drinking the beverage.

She isn't sure what it is, but something has clicked between them. Things feel _right _again for the first time in three years.

* * *

A week later and they're walking around the city together, just like they used to. Except they're in New York, the snow crunching under their feet. And they aren't touching each other, save for the few times their arms brush against each other.

He bought them hot chocolate at a vendor a few minutes ago, and she may or may not have drunk it too early and burned her tongue. And he may or may not have laughed.

Now he's sipping his hot chocolate and she's still too scared to drink hers and they aren't speaking but it isn't awkward. If she doesn't think about it, she can almost picture them on a normal date. Things have changed, but apparently not that much.

"So, do you like it here?" she finally asks.

"Yeah," he says. "I mean, there are times I miss home, of course. I'd take sand over snow any day and a little sun would be nice, but I like it here. Miami will always _truly _be home, though."

She nods, and takes a sip of her hot chocolate, only wincing slightly at the temperature of the drink.

"Yeah, I like it here, too."

"I never would've expected you to like all the chaos here," he notes.

"Me neither. But here I am."

"Here you are."

They walk in silence more, and he finishes his hot chocolate. She continues drinking hers, and by the time she's done, it should be called _cold _chocolate. She throws away her empty cup and shivers. He looks over at her.

"You cold?"

"Three winters here and I still haven't gotten used to it," she admits.

Without another word, he takes off his coat and wraps it around her shoulders.

"Austin-"

"I'm fine."

"But-"

"The cold never bothered me anyway," he sings.

She sighs, knowing that there's no arguing with this idiot, so she pulls his coat tighter around herself. It smells like him. Cinnamon and maple syrup.

She once mentioned that someone could mistake him for French toast because of the way he smelled. He didn't get the joke.

"So, um, how's your girlfriend?" she asks. Because really, why _wouldn't _he have a girlfriend?

"I don't have one," he replies, sounding confused as to why she might think he does.

"You're kidding."

"I'm serious. Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Not at the moment."

"What do you mean?"

"I, uh, I've been dating a lot of people lately. But apparently I'm a heartbreaker now if you wanna know how it's been going."

He presses his lips together and looks down for a second, then looks back up and straight ahead.

"I think you've been a heartbreaker longer than you realize, sweetheart."

Although the comment should be a punch to the gut, it isn't. Maybe it's because he doesn't say it as if he's trying to offend her. He says it like it's a fact, but a sad one. He isn't happy that she's a heartbreaker, probably because his heart was one of the first she broke.

And the way he says _sweetheart_. It isn't sarcastic, not at all. She knows him, knows that he doesn't work like that. He doesn't use pet names for sarcastic remarks. And the way he says it sounds like the rest of the statement: sad. But there's also a hint of something deeper to it that she can't put her finger on.

"Sorry," she says for the umpteenth time this week.

"It's okay," he says yet again. They're starting to sound like a broken record.

There's a beat of silence, during which he closes his eyes and debates on whether or not to speak.

"Do you wanna, um, come over tonight?" he asks, opening his eyes. "My roommate's in Pennsylvania for the weekend and I was just gonna sit around and watch movies, but movies are more fun when you've got an avid reader pointing out all the character development and plot holes and clues to the ending."

She bites her lip, unsure of what to say.

"I've got Fruity Mint Swirl."

Of course he does. She introduced her favorite flavor to him the first time they went out for ice cream. It's been his favorite ever since.

She cracks a smile.

"I'm in."

* * *

She wakes up from a dream about being hugged by a giant teddy bear while skeletons sword fight behind her.

The first thing she notices when she opens her eyes is the only source of light in the dark living room-the big flat screen that's rolling the credits for one of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies.

The next thing she notices is her pillow, which isn't actually a pillow. Her head is on Austin's shoulder, and his arm is wrapped tightly around her. She shifts her eyes to his face and sees that his eyes are closed. He looks peaceful, content, and she's reminded of the countless times they've fallen asleep like this. It all feels so natural. Even though they stayed up late and judging from the darkness outside it's still too early to be up, she hasn't slept this well in three years.

She smiles a bit and pulls the blanket they're sharing closer around her, snuggling into Austin's side. He shifts in his sleep and tightens his arm around her, mumbling something incoherently, but she could swear that she hears the word "pancakes" somewhere in there. She grabs the remote off his lap and turns off the TV before closing her eyes again, her smile slowly widening.

As she's about to drift off to sleep, she feels Austin shift again beside her. She's too tired to open her eyes, but his hand leaves its position on her arm for a second and she feels him stretch. Then his hand returns, a little tighter than before. She feels him kiss her head and then shift once more before staying still.

She brings her knees up to her chest and then lets them fall gently to the side so they rest in his lap. Then she yawns, her eyelids still too heavy to open. He doesn't move.

"Goodnight, Ally," he whispers, barely audible even though the room is silent.

She turns a bit more to the side and rests her hand on his chest in response.

She swears she feels his heartbeat speed up, but then again she's half asleep. She could easily be dreaming things.

* * *

When she wakes up again, light is flooding into the room. She opens her eyes and realizes she's lying alone on the couch with a real pillow under her head and the blanket draped over her.

She sits up and yawns, running a hand through her hair. She hears a sizzling sound and turns her head towards the kitchen, where she sees the back of a blonde head in front of the stove.

"Morning," she says sleepily. He glances back at her and smiles before returning to his cooking.

"It's one in the afternoon. But it's still technically morning on the west coast, so good morning to you, too."

"Oh," she says, blushing a bit. "How long have you been up?"

"About a half hour. Thought I'd let you sleep while I make breakfast."

"You cook?"

"I cook breakfast foods." He flips a pancake. "Warm stacks of fluffy, buttery goodness are my specialty, though."

Of course he'd finally learn how to make pancakes.

"I'm impressed."

"Thank you. You still like blueberry, yeah?"

"Mmhm."

"Thank goodness."

He flips the pancake onto a plate and turns off the stove. Then he bustles around in the kitchen a bit more, carrying two plates. One she knows is a stack of chocolate chip pancakes, complete with syrup, whipped cream, and a cherry. The other is a stack of blueberry, and he sets the bottle of syrup in front of her because he knows she's OCD about it and likes doing it herself.

"Thank you," she says as he hands her a fork.

"Don't mention it."

He turns the TV on to some random cartoon and digs in to his pancakes, his eyes glued to the screen.

"So how'd you sleep?" she asks, drizzling the syrup onto her pancakes.

"Really well, actually. Usually that couch is a nightmare." She smiles a bit. "What about you?"

"Me too."

* * *

It's been two months since she fell into him in the snow, and now she can't shut up that voice in her mind that's telling her she's falling _for _him.

She's been trying to deny it, and in a sense it's been working. Because she's _not _falling for him, not really. She already fell for him, five years ago when they first started dating.

She isn't falling for him. She was never over him in the first place.

She finally accepts that fact one day when they're walking around Central Park. She's hopping around puddles of melting snow and he walks right through them, watching her with a smile. She stops and wraps his arms around his torso all of a sudden, rubbing her nose against his with a smile just like she used to do when she would catch him looking at her like that. It catches him by surprise and his eyebrows shoot up, but the grin doesn't leave his face.

This all feels _normal _to her. _Of course_ this feels like a date. _Of course _he grabs her hand when it brushes against his for the fourth time in a row. _Of course _he teases her with a smile and a twinkle in his eye whenever he gets the chance and _of course _she can't wipe the grin off her face.

Fate. She's never believed in it, and he knows it. Her logic is that if fate was real, bad things wouldn't happen to good people. Her parents wouldn't have given her up. So fate can't be real.

And yet, looking at him, she can't help but get the feeling that they're _meant _to be together, that it wasn't a coincidence she fell into him what feels like forever ago.

They stop walking in front of a man playing violin. She smiles because he really is talented, and he smiles back at her. Austin tugs on her hand a bit and she looks at him.

"May I have this dance?"

She isn't even surprised.

"Why, of course you may," she replies with a smile.

He grins and adjusts their hands so he's holding hers properly and rests his other hand on the small of her back. She rests her hand on his shoulder and they start swaying.

He twirls her and straightens his arm, and then she twirls again so her back is pressed up against him. He holds her other hand and they sway like that for a bit before returning to normal.

The man stops playing soon and walks away, but they don't notice. They keep swaying to the imaginary beat, getting gradually closer to each other as they go.

Eventually his forehead is resting against hers and both of them have their eyes closed. They're still swaying, but not as much.

She isn't even surprised when his lips find hers. Nor is she surprised when she kisses him back. He lets go of her hand and wraps his arm around her waist and she wraps her arms around his neck. The way he kisses her is different than what she's become accustomed to. He's slow, gentle, savoring the moment and trying to remember it. All the memories flood back to her and leave her head spinning. But then again, that could be the kiss.

He pulls away slowly, but his grip on her tightens.

"I still love you, Ally," he whispers. "I never stopped. I haven't gone a day without thinking about you for the past three years and I don't think I ever will."

"I still love you, too," she whispers back. "I'm not scared anymore. I want to be with you."

He hugs her, burying his face in her neck.

"I'm never letting you go again."

"I don't want you to."

* * *

**Reviews are lovely :)**


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